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Wild Sage & Co.

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What Femininity Means to Me

Posted on 19 September, 2017 at 21:00

This article is the result of an inquiry I made into re-finding my feminine. I realized I had lost touch with "her" and was feeling sad and lost and lonely as a result. So this is a completely personal perspective and I invite you into it.


Femininity is the softer side of humanity.


Expressions of strength and power and compassion are different from the feminine than they are from the masculine. I almost can't talk about feminine without talking about masculine, because they truly are yin/yang and can't be separated. As with the yin/yang symbol - one is held within, a part of, the other. It is also true that men can contain and BE / express feminine and that women can contain and BE / express masculine. But for the sake of this discussion, for the sake of ease of writing and language, I will give voice here to feminine as woman.


Each woman's femininity is expressed differently. Some women are in love with being old school homemakers. It satisfies their soul to be the bakers, seamstresses, lunch makers, PTA meeting attenders. They truly see cleaning house as feathering the nest and keeping the sanctuary whole. It may be a boring or tedious part of it, but they see housekeeping as vitally important to the beauty of the home sanctuary and contributing to the peace of the family. (Personally, I didn't get in that line.)


Others feel an equally feminine expression on a tennis court or soccer field. (I didn't get in that line either.) Some are dancers, artists, mothers, doctors, executives.... the list is endless because feminine is a state of Being, a state of mind, of relating to a softer and more intuitive - that's it - a SOFTER, more INTUITIVE, AND CREATIVE aspect of Being.


I've been a single woman since I was 30 yr old. A stray boyfriend here and there, but predominantly single for 33 years. So for "all" of my adult Life, it has been up to me. Every. Single. Thing. Trash, dishes, all laundry, housecleaning, groceries, health care, safety, auto care, earning all of the money, paying all of the bills, pet care, ALL recreation (dining, concerts, movies, vacations). There is no one else. I have not let being single stop me from doing things. I've taken the vacations and gone everywhere by myself. For 33 years I have not allowed the LUXURY of being soft and vulnerable, because I had to be on guard. I had to protect myself, because there was no one else to do it.


However, I once noticed when a boyfriend walked into my house, as soon as I closed the front door and he hugged me..... I physically exhaled against him, every time he came in the house. There is someone else here. I don't have to take on 'masculine' now, because he's HERE. I can let down and be soft now, because "he", protector, is here. It's funny how you don't notice that you've been holding your breath until you exhale.


It's gotten worse - or perhaps more ingrained, more habitual - over the past 10 years. I used to do more creative & intuitive things. I used to do counted cross-stitch. I used to be more involved, more interested, in metaphysical things - crystals, tarot & other cards. I've also had a tiny "altar" space in my home for many many years; crystals, candles, a fountain, poetry, a beautiful pastel drawing of Archangel Michael that was given to me by a Hawaiian Kahuna, tiny Angel cards, tiny Buddhas, people whose names or photos I want held in prayer. It's still there, but I've ignored it for so long that I just noticed it's covered with dust now! (As I said, I didn't get in the housecleaning line.)


I also had a softer, more feminine wardrobe. In thinking about femininity, I'm noticing my clothes. They're not feminine now either. They're shirts and pants; not even "blouses", they're shirts and pants. I think that's a comment on how I feel about my body, too. As much as I LOVE soft, flowy clothes, (think gently aging flower child) I don't like the way they look on my now round body.


I can also say that I'm not spending money on clothes right now, but even so.... the money I WOULD spend wouldn't be for flowy "goddess" clothes. It would be for more of the same shirts that look presentable on this body. Just something that fits. I used to have comfy long dresses that I completely wore out, but I didn't replace them when they became too worn to wear.


WELL! Isn't that a kick in the head!? I am not only not feeling feminine, but I am not tending my own goddess!! Funny how that is a self-feeding spiral, isn't it. No wonder I was feeling sad and lost and lonely. I was ignoring the Center of my Essential Being, and I missed her.


I began by saying femininity is the softer side of humanity - which gave me a nagging question;

does that mean that masculine is the "stronger" side or the "harder" side? After writing this, I have my answer now.


Masculine is the guardian side.

Masculine is the physical strength, the protector, the guardian at the gate, the no trespassing sign

- and provides the fortress.


Feminine is the softer side. 

Feminine is the strength of compassion, intuition, empathy, humanKIND - and offers the soft place to fall.


These descriptions hold up for equally well for a man or a woman, and either gender can embody them. This isn't about genitals. As we began, feminine & masculine are a state of Being and expression. 


One last thing, just in case you think I'm defining "soft"  as "weak".....

I invite you to think how strong a "soft place to fall" must be in order to catch a warrior.


With Aloha Love & Blessings,

Jennifer


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